Sozo Studio

I don’t identify with the youngest daughter tropes. I don’t identify with only child tropes either.

Born 5 years after my closest sibling and 20 years after my oldest, it put me in this strange in-between childhood experience that led to the struggles I’ve had to overcome today.

So I’m giving it a name.

Youngest Daughter Who Cosplayed as an Only Child Core.

My youngest sibling moved out when I was 12. Suddenly thrust into the life of an only child, except my parents were senior citizens who were too tired to actively raise more children.

I put the bar so high I can’t reach it then use that as the reason not to try.

I rationalize myself out of things I’m motivated to do before I even attempt them.

I’ve felt responsible for other people’s emotions for decades. I now realize that’s utterly self-serving. People pleasing is fundamentally self-absorbed. I’m too busy managing their reaction instead of just holding a boundary and accepting their autonomy to choose how to react, poorly or not.

I’ve been addicted to being needed. The moment nobody needs me, the motivation dries up and every excuse shows back up with it.

I was the loudest, most obnoxious, chaotic kid in every room. Pushed every edge—Tom Green energy ifykyk—just to get a reaction. Because being noticed felt better than being invisible.

That performance convinced me I was an extrovert. Turns out a forced outgoing personality and actually being filled up by people are not the same thing.