Helpful Hands Recovery

Oxygen Mask Rule

Every time we fly, we hear flight attendants giving some variation of the oxygen mask rule:​
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask securely over your own mouth and nose before assisting others."​

Why do they say that? What could possibly be wrong with helping others before ourselves?​

In the case of an airplane, masks are deployed in situations where the oxygen level is dangerously low. Without an oxygen mask, we will quickly lose consciousness. If we don’t make putting on our own oxygen mask a priority, we will likely be unable to help others. ​

If someone we love has an addiction that is causing problems, it’s natural to want to be part of the solution. As a result, we may find ourselves devoting abundant energy to the addiction in various ways (educating ourselves, trying to keep the peace with our loved one, worrying about the future, trying to influence our loved one to address the problem). We may choose to do this willingly and lovingly...but in many cases, our choice may come at an expense to our own physical and mental health. ​

When "helping" seems to leave little time for anything else, the result is quite often "burnout". Some feelings that may accompany "giving too much" are exhaustion, frustration and anger, along with possibly feeling ineffective, helpless, or hopeless. ​

To avoid burnout, managing our self-care is a key responsibility to maintain our happiness, our physical health, and our mental health. It requires consciously planning to include time in our day to attend to our own needs and make that time a priority. If we don't, we eventually won't be able to care for others.

What do we really need to maintain our physical and mental health? Exercise, good nutrition, alone time, social time, time for creative endeavors, medical care, and support groups are just a few ideas to consider. We may have become so accustomed to "dealing with" the addiction or trying to "help" our loved one, that it might feel wrong to give priority to our own needs—but doing so is critical. If we don't take care of ourselves, who will? ​

To avoid burnout, managing our self-care is a key responsibility to maintain our happiness, our physical health, and our mental health. It requires consciously planning to include time in our day to attend to our own needs and make that time a priority. If we don't, we eventually won't be able to care for others.

What do we really need to maintain our physical and mental health? Exercise, good nutrition, alone time, social time, time for creative endeavors, medical care, and support groups are just a few ideas to consider. We may have become so accustomed to "dealing with" the addiction or trying to "help" our loved one, that it might feel wrong to give priority to our own needs—but doing so is critical. If we don't take care of ourselves, who will?

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As families, we strive for something that we call Homeostasis—A state of balance within the family. This homeostasis can be healthy or unhealthy. When someone we love is struggling with an addiction or mental health concern, it throws this family system out of balance, and causes us to take on additional roles or responsibilities to bring ourselves back to some semblance of balance.

Imagine a mobile, if there is a weight on one of the strings (such as addiction), the rest of the mobile must rebalance in order to continue functioning. We rebalance this by taking on additional tasks, roles, or adapt new boundaries. This adds additional weights to our strings so that in the moment the mobile seems stable.

The problem with this is that these additional weights or roles add stressors to our day-to-day lives, and we ourselves become unhealthy and stuck in these roles. It becomes comfortable or expected.

When a loved one enters into treatment, or tries to change within this system of homeostasis, if we aren’t adapting our behaviours or roles as family, our loved one will return to their previous behaviours in order to rebalance the mobile—or achieve the homeostasis we have become comfortable with within the family.

In order to achieve a healthier family dynamic moving forward, it can be important to examine our own unhealthy behaviours that we have adapted to using to survive our loved one's addiction so that we can all move towards recovery together.