Beautifully Surrendered

I use to never liked being corrected because I took it as a moral failing, which is not what it is at all, it was just a behavior that I had gathered along my life’s journey out of trauma, abuse or being in survival mode for so long. Even when I would sober up, I would have an inability to be corrected and leave those survival techniques in the past, to make room for new healthy habits that would better serve me at this phase in my life, but when nothing changes nothing changes, and I always ended up back using.

The last relapse I had was the most horrible time of my life, I was just existing, I was just surviving, I was completely spiritual void, bankrupt and dead, I remember laying on mat on the shelter floor, and this woman started praying and that was the first time I didn’t feel so alone, then I prayed and when I was praying I didn’t feel alone, in that moment, another seed was planted, I had tried everything 12 step fellowships, rehab, therapy, and it worked for a while, but what I was really missing was a relationship with the one who created me, that’s what I had been craving was an unfailing, unchanging, always faithful relationship. I did not get sober right after that day, but a few weeks later i did, I went and got deliverance, and everything that had been haunting me left, and from that point on I had no desire to use, and that’s when I decided to genuinely put effort into this relationship with God. Even thought it took a lot of effort at first, now it does not. This is the most rewarding relationship I have entered.

I love that God has truly given me a new heart and new spirit and the more I lean into God, and he renews my mind those old unhelpful, survival techniques, are replaced with fruits of the spirit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. And the great thing is when I do mess up and go back to survival mode, god corrects me, and he does this because he loves me. “For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.””
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am so grateful that I have come to a place where God has taught me that it is okay to be corrected, it is okay to not be perfect, and just because I am not perfect it does not mean that I have to turn to self destructive behaviours, because that only hurts me, and pulls me further away from him and that is not what I want at all. I hope you too find this relationship with God, that than he mold you intro the man or woman you were destined to be, and live in peace, as you repent from your sinful nature, and embrace god’s grace, life just starts to unfold.

Just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect ♥️

I have never been in a relationship before where I felt so secure, so peaceful, so grateful and so full of joy. I might not of have the best parents growing up, but darn it when I came into my 30’s I got the best darn better than ever parent and that was my Heavenly Father God. ♥️

This week I went and did something that was very uncomfortable for me and I had to court and deal with part of the consequences of my sinful past but throughout the whole experience and the days leading up I wasn’t scared, nervous or on edge, because I knew my heavenly father had me sheltered under his wing, and the peace he gave me surpassed all understanding that anything I had ever known when I was a part of the world. Not only did I have the peace of the great I am, I also had my brothers and sisters in Christ praying for me. And by the grace of god my charges were thrown out, and that is because of repetition, and walking in purity, and being sanctified by the Holy Spirit.

This relationship is the most rewarding beautiful relationship I have ever experienced in my life, I can not believe I was stubborn for this and I lived in sin for so long and refused to pick up my cross. But here I am now, cross in hand, repenting with a smile on my face. And I think that is why I feel so at peace because regardless of what would have happened I knew god was with me, and he gave me grace because I repented, repentance is something that is so brushed aside now a days, but if you do not shed the old, there is no room for the new. I love repentance, it has changed my life, and for the better. And I believe, that is why I am here now, and not behind bars, or still out using, or even worse dead. Please please I hope you too repent and ask Jesus into your life and begin a beautiful relationship with him because the Kingdom of God is near.

Just remember

I love you

God love you

Perfectly Imperfect 🙇‍♀️♥️🙏

I struggled for a long time with feeling like I did not belong anywhere, I didn’t feel like I was ever wanted around, I have had a strong abandonment issue every since I was a little girl. I was bullied, shamed, tormented most of my life and that left me feeling like a mistake, for a long time I wish I had not been born because I thought that would of been easier. I still struggled though to find acceptance and love through relationships both romantic and plantontic neither were ever satisfying and left me feeling unfulfilled.

A few months ago I entered the best relationship of my life and the most fulfilling relationship of my life and that relationship was with God. This emptiness and longing was slowly disappearing because I had finally entered into a relationship with someone who would never leave me, never abandon me, was always happy to hear from me, and honestly and truly just wanted the best for me. How cool is that! I had finally found my perfect relationship that truly was building me up instead of tearing me down, I was able to let go of this need to control everything in the relationship because God knew me before I was even born and has a plan and purpose for my life and has just been waiting for me to finish up with all the unfulfilling relationships to have a fulfilling one with him, because he had never left, I was just to stubborn to open the door to let him in. This relationship has given me the confidence have other loving healthy relationships in my life that are built on things like respect, integrity, trust and love instead of co-dependency, manipulation, and deceit. I am so grateful I have opened myself up to the most fulfilling relationship of my life because with God I will never be disappointed, abandoned, abused, or forgotten. And for me to have a relationship with none of those in it is amazing. I hope you too enter into a relationship with Jesus, and you just wait and see how not only do you get an amazing relationship with him, but all of your current relationships with improve greatly, and you will definitely make some new ones along the way.

Just remember

I love you

God loves you ♥️

Perfectly Imperfect