Common Ground Montessori Learning Community

A friend was recently wondering about what to do on the playground when another child was mimicking his child. How to interact with other people’s kids is a common conundrum for parents, and how we handle these types of situations is how we build the village that raises all of our children effectively. Here are my thoughts on what to do…

First, I would NOT assume the child is “a bully”. Younger children may not even realize they’re doing something wrong or hurtful, and older children are exhibiting a learned behaviour that may be easily redirected. So, look for the child’s positive motive and try to help them get what they’re wanting by engaging them. Hint: their motive is probably to engage with your child or with you.

I’d first interrupt the behaviour by making eye contact and smiling and cheerfully saying something like, “You said that just like she did!” Then I’d immediately distract the child towards a positive behaviour and positive interaction. “Would you like a turn to slide?”

If that doesn’t work and the child continues (unlikely), I’d get down on their level, look in their eyes and say, “I’ve heard enough of that. If you’d like to continue repeating, please go far enough away that we don’t hear it. If you’d like to play with us, you can ask, “Can I play with you?””

Most children will correct their behaviour immediately if you tell them what they can do instead by using “You can…”

Instead of hitting, “You can say, ‘I didn’t like that. Please talk to me nicely.’” Instead of pushing, “You can say, ‘Please give me space.’” Etc. It’s all about finding their positive motive and helping them get it through positive behaviour, rather than jumping to the conclusion that they’re a “bad kid” and that the best solution is to chastise them.

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