CNET_bze

My name is Maralyn Gill, I am 57 years old, mother of 3, grandmother of 8 and a widow. I was diagnosed HIV positive in 2004 in the small Central American country of Belize. We moved to Belize in 1991, my husband was from there was and in 1996 we opened our restaurant and it was quite a success. We were married for 18 years in what i thought was a monogamous marriage, or so I thought, until 2001 when my husband turned fifty and went flipsy and left me for a young Honduran girl.

Later that year in 2001 just after 9/11, we lost everything in a category 5 hurricane and 2 weeks after that my husband was found dead in Belize City. I reopened my restaurant on a small island there but started getting ill with flu like symptoms and night sweats. After much antibiotics and then told it was probably just menopause for the following 3 years. In 2004 I was diagnosed with Hepatitis A while on vacation in Miami and hospitalized for 10 days and was given an array of tests including an HIV test but upon release I was told to rest when I got home and I assumed all tests came back negative no problem.

When we got back to Belize I still was not doing well and went to a specialist in internal medicine. After another array of tests he called me into his office and sat me down. The good news he said was that I didn't have cancer but the bad news after checking it twice was that I had tested positive with HIV. I was devastated and questioned how did and when did I catch it. This could not be happening to me. There was no counselor to talk to and was directed to go to the only HIV specialist that had a office at the socialized hospital or go to his private office but everyone knew what he specialized in and get the only meds available at a clinic in Belize City and again everyone knew why u were going there.

There was no confidentiality and word travels fast. the first thing i had to do was call a family meeting and share the news. First denial set in and after receiving a phone call from the hospital in Miami asking me to fly back up because they had test results they needed to see me in person to share with me, I thanked them and told them I already knew. That meant 3 tests came back positive and we sat there shocked, confused and scared. I had lost a friend to Aids in the early 80's and watching him waste away in pain till death this was something I couldn't put my family thru. I had no idea of the stigma i was about to encounter. My son had just had his first child and when he shared this news with his Belizean wife with the quickness she told him i could not be in the same room with the baby. My son asked the doctor to explain that I could not infect anyone that easily.

I then contacted the men I had been intimate with and thank god no one caught it from me. As word spread I went into a deep depression and never walked into the kitchen of my restaurant again. The restaurant next to mine actually built a metal fence between the two restaurants. I tried the meds that were available and all the meds available were all no longer used in America and I got so sick from the meds that I decided I'd rather die. Tried to get as much info over the net but hopelessness took over and started a horrible co***ne and alcohol habit and stayed in my room for four years trying to die. There was nothing my family could do and my daughter dropped out of college to run the restaurant for me. She did everything possible to try to help me but realized she just couldn't watch me dying and she moved to Portland Oregon. I continued on my self-destruction and by the end of February 2008 the doctors in Belize told me there was nothing more they could do for me.

By March 3rd I was on a plane to Portland Oregon. After arriving my daughter immediately checked me in to OHSU a teaching university hospital where I was met by caring folks with so much compassion. I weighed 127 pounds, I'm 5'8" and diagnosed with AIDS and opportunistic infections including a yeast infection thru my esophagus and rest of my body, PTSD and heavy depression plus my addictions. I started on meds and saw the psychiatrist. The shrink walked in the door and his first statement was "so u got AIDS from intravenous drug use "and my reply was “No I got it from my dead husband's p***s" I had no idea how much stigma I was now going to have to deal with.

I then went to Cascade Aids Project for an intake appointment and again treated with much compassion and the resources available for me and support amazing. I was told about a woman's group called the Women of Wisdom. I met other women of all ages and we all had one thing in common. Our disease. With the support of these women I never went to rehab and am free of co***ne for 5 years now.

In April of 2013 I finally got to Belize for the first time since I was so gravely ill 5 years ago. People were shocked and very warm and loving and some had heard through the gossip vine I call the (Coconut Wireless) that I had died. I had realized that the Campaign of the Rise Up to HIV Photo and story I had shared had really been shared in Belize and many understood why I acted the way I had once diagnose.

I joined the National Aids Council for the Belizean Govt and also got to speak with the San Pedro Aids Commission on Ambergris Caye. I then began to realize how much help Belize really needs and the educating of the parents to discuss with their children has never been a custom. Things must change in that nation. Meds are not accessible and many need help and financing to go to neighboring Mexico to get their Meds and keep the confidentiality in their lives.

I am now Back in Portland Oregon Still on the Ryan White Planning Council and at a time with Obama Care it will be interesting to see where funding will reach and won't. I still have a struggle with my depression and loneliness at times. I have been very active with a group called Positive Force Northwest and do Bar outreach the last Saturday of every month and also on 2 Client Advisory Board. I am also now an Ambassador for Dab the Aids Bear. I want to put out a special shout out to Kevin Maloney with his dedication this story might not have gone to reach internationally to help others realize they are not alone.

1. How did you hear about the No Shame About Being HIV+ campaign?

I found the Rise up to HIV facebook site by chance wrote my story and hit that send button at 4 am the following day I heard from my son in Belize that my story was everywhere.

2. Why is it important for you to share your story with the World?

The reason I share my story is to help prevent and raise awareness for older women newly single that they too could get HIV.

3. Since being diagnosed with HIV was is a memorable line of advice that someone has said to you?

You are no longer facing a death sentence and with medication adherence you will live an amazing life

H I V 2020 A community-led global conference on sexual health and human rights