EP7 Life Coach

Resisting self-improvement

It seems like a contradictory statement, but it is a persistent reality for all of us, whether we confront it or not remain in denial of it.

Why do we resist self-improvement?

Even if we like learning about improving, the walking the talk part is difficult. It is because the brain is slow to learn and apply and slow to unlearn and re-apply the updated learning. It is slow because it needs to experience repetition of messaging and reinforcement signals in a highly relevant way to its direct benefit.

That benefit needs to be tied into its survival, not just the opportunities to thrive. The brain is in default mode to survival – it’s a primal powerful processing machine for that outcome.

Then when it uses advantage of praise and results to build its identity, the attachment to that value as the identity locks us in. So now we are defending points of view and ideas of how to relate and be, as who we are. “This is me, I can’t change that” “A leopard can’t change its spots” and “I was born this way”

So, when we want to change a point of view, the brain registers an attack on our identity, like if we believe we are wrong, we will be devalued, rejected and abandoned. So it kicks into defend and attack mode against the criticism, seeking only to notice anything that can be used to prove it wrong.

It gets tiring when, what it uses is not logical, and the logical feedback coming back begins to weaken its position. This is the brain at its most vulnerable, and it projects punishment as immanent. It will resort to yelling, getting aggressive and cutting and running from the situation – a primal survival reaction!

Hence resistance to self-improvement is a tricky business. We have a brain to manage, that is a powerhouse when it has good assumptions hardwired to serve in how we interpret things accurately and react to them. But the assumptions that are misguided, they get to wreak havoc and even complicate our relationship with our adaptive nature, our self-worth and personal empowerment.

If you are not appreciating the role your brain plays in resisting self-improvement, you are being blindsided. I have not met anyone ever, that did not have this dimension of challenge as part of being a work in progress.

What other challenges have you experienced in you or others resisting meaningful change?