Ian Waugh - Genuine Relating
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I work with couples and individuals experiencing difficulty in their personal life and relationships, I also work with addiction. Ian offers counselling services to the Tweed Heads, Banora Point and Tweed Coast communities. Services provided include personal and couples therapy, relationship counselling, addiction counselling. Founder of Genuine Relating Ian Waugh specialises in Gestalt psychother
What I’ve learned through my own recovery and from working with couples when one of them is an addict.
I get asked a lot about addiction. It comes from my history in recovery and my work within the addiction field, running and setting up rehabs. I have a definite way of looking at addiction, especially in couples work, that the addiction drives the couple, the addiction is driving the bus. The only way forward is for the person to decide that their family is more important than the addiction.
Often when couples come into therapy, their relationships are in distress. They're trying to relate to each other under stress carrying resentments.
The communication style they're using is usually coming from a place of hurt and pain.
And a creative way of surviving is to blame the other.
Through Genuine Relating they find a way to communicate differently, to turn towards each other, face each other and actually start talking from an authentic truth.
And create an environment where they are seen and heard in their authentic truth.
And from there they can communicate their needs that aren't being met in the relationship.
15/12/2023
Understanding the Complex Dynamics of Addiction in Relationships
Addiction in relationships is a multifaceted challenge that requires careful navigation. As a Gestalt psychotherapist working with couples impacted by addiction, I have observed the intricate dynamics that addiction introduces into relationships. The essence of the problem often lies in the fact that the person with the addiction becomes consumed by their habits, losing sight of their partner’s needs and the health of the relationship.
The Blame Game and Avoidance of Responsibility
One of the key issues in relationships where addiction is present is the tendency of the addicted individual to blame their partner for their struggles. This blame game is a diversion from taking responsibility for their actions. Addicts often engage in behaviours like drinking alcohol or using drugs, shifting the focus away from themselves and onto their partner, exacerbating relationship tensions.
Separating the Person from the Addiction
In therapy, a crucial starting point is distinguishing the person from their addiction. This distinction is challenging yet essential. The addiction often becomes the primary relationship, overshadowing the bond between partners. This shift leads to manipulation, blame, and various destructive behaviors, all in service of the addiction.
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Understanding the Complex Dynamics of Addiction in Relationships - Bridging the Barriers Addiction in relationships is a multifaceted challenge that requires careful navigation. As a Gestalt psychotherapist working with couples..
In my previous video, I discussed conflict management and introduced the concept of 'rupture' and its resolution. I use a small finger puppet to illustrate ruptures in relationships, which represent the times when we feel connected, comforted, and open-hearted. However, disruptions can occur, leading to a 'contraction' that brings about pain and signifies a break in that connection. This 'rupture' can cause us to revert to old patterns from our past, reliving separation and unmet needs – not feeling seen, heard, or supported.
The resulting pain often pushes us into a cycle of blame. The path to healing and reconnection involves turning inward to recognise and sit with our emotions, articulating how we feel instead of assigning blame for our distress. Taking personal responsibility allows us to start the process of mending the rupture within the relationship.
Today we're here to talk about conflict resolution, the conflicts that come up in relationships and how we manage those conflicts. They could be intimate relationships, they could be relationships with a partner, they could be work relationships. A relationship is just 'how do I deal with other people and get out of my own way to manage conflict?'
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6 Lovat Brae Court
Banora Point, NSW
2486
