Real Ex

A pretty lady went to pastor Conquer and said "pastor I'm above 40 and still single. I've gone out with plenty guys but when the time comes for marriage they..[She stārted cry!ñg]😭😭😭🙆🙆
ME : My daughter, i think you have a spîr!tūal husband"

LADY: Yes i have noticed it sir.

pastor Conquer got attracted to her and wanted to take advantage of it. He gazed at her rømant!cally and said, "you see, your spiritūal husband kept some things in your priv@tes. So, i need to go in there, d£strøy it and then anoint d place"

LADY: But that's ag@!nst the will of God!😮😕

Pastor Conquer got āñgryy and said, "Are you here to teach me the bible or you came for del!ver@nce?😠

LADY: f0rg!ve me sir.🙆

Conquer: don't you know that some d£mons require patterns before you can get rīd of them?.😠

The frūstr@ted lady accepted.
after few minutes of løve making, Conquer said to her,
"you are now free and will get married soonest"

The lady thanked him and said" i hope any man that makes love to me from today will not d!ê again😕
Because of the H.!.V inf£ct!on 💔

Today in church, I dozed off during the preaching 😴. Suddenly, I woke up and heard our pastor saying, “Stand on your feet.”

So I stood up 🧍‍♂️

I noticed I was the only one standing, and I could see the shock on everyone’s faces in the church 😳. They were all staring at me, including my girlfriend, AMAKA, and her mother 😬.

The look on their faces confused me until the pastor shouted, “One person is already up. Brother, God bless you 🙏.”

Then he continued:

“Let me repeat myself for the benefit of those who did not hear me clearly. This is your last chance—if you know you are a witch , stand up on your feet for d£liveranc£!” 😳🔥

Are you staying with your parents?
1 🤵🧑‍🦰
2 🤵⚰️
3⚰️🧑‍🦰
4⚰️⚰️
😭😭😭😭😭😭
RIP legends

Good 9t fans🛌🛌🛌

🤣 CHURCH TESTIMONY GONE WRøNG 🤣

During testimony time in church… 🙏

A 19-year-old pastor’s daughter, Cynthia stood up confidently and said:

“Praise the Lord!” 😊
Everybody shøuted: “Hallelujah!” 🙌

She continued…

“Since I was 16 I’ve been experiencing ser!ous p@in and blèeding every month 😔
Sometimes it lasts 3 to 5 days… it was unbearable 😩

But now… after a series of Bible studies and prayers with Brother Bright in his house 😳

The monthly p@!n and bleeding have stopped for over 3 months now 😳😳

No more p@!n 💃
No more beeding 🙅

You can even see I’m getting fatter and prettier 😌✨

And we’re still praying about the small probl£m of v0mit!ng… especially in the morning 🤦‍♀️

Praise the Lord!” 🙌

😳😳😳
The whole church went silent…

Brother Bright at the piano just f@inted instantly 😂😂😂

💀 Moral of the story:
Not every testimony needs full explanation in church 😭😂

*Two mad mad👬🏻 planned and organize to run 🏃🏻away from the mental hospital🏥, they started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the security then open the gate and run away🏃🏻‍♀...
When they reached the gate the security was not there and the gate was wide open... They said "S**T OUR PLAN HAS FAILED, LET GO BACK WE WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.😂🤣😹😆😅

let's meet our birth mates in comment section
💕💖🌎🌺🥀🌹🌱

Husband: Sweetheart please come here.
Wife: What is it?
Husband: Just come to the bedroom.
Wife: Why?
Husband: Can you be obedient for once in your life?
Wife: Okay, here I am.
Husband: remøve your cl0thès
Wife: remøve my cl0thes, why?
Husband : Just do what I tell you to do and come beside me on the bêd, don't waste time
Wife: Okay, they are off.
Husband: Nice one sweetie, what about your br@ and p@nț?, Remøve them too.
Wife : Please, I am not in the möød.
Husband: Just remøve your p@nț and br@ and stop all this your everyday not in the möød story!
Wife: okay, they are off.
Husband: okay, climb the bêd.
Wife: why? Am i your slave?
Husband: Just climb the bêd and relax.
Wife: Okay, so what's next?
Husband: I just want you to help me count my money, every time you help me count the money while your clothes are on, my money always disappear. 😂😒

De@th came to a guy and said,
“My friend today is ur day”
Guy: “But am not ready!”.
Then de@th said,
“Well your name is the next on my list”.
Guy: “Okay why don’t
You take a seat and I will
get you something to eat before we go?”.
Then de@th said,
“Alright”
The guy gave de@th some
food with sleeping pills in it,
de@th finished eating
and fell into a deep sleep.
The guy took the list
& removed his name from top
of the list and put
into the bottom of the list…
When de@th woke up
he said to the guy,
“Because you have been so very nice to me,
I will start from
the BOTTOM of the list 😳😳🙄🙄🙆‍♂️
mama yangu game over 🤣🤣

BOSS: I'm going abroad, I don't want my daughter to be going out because she might get pregnant out there. So make sure she's always indoors😏

Me:: But sir, you know very well that your daughter is very stubb0rn, what if she tries to f0rce herself out?🤔

BOSS: bright you are a very grown up man, you should your head😏

Me: Okay sir

After a week, the boss returns and the daughter wasn't at home

BOSS: Conquer where's my daughter?

Me:: Sir your daughter is very stubb0rn😕 I tried to tell her not to go out but she wanted to force herself out, that's when I remembered that you said I should use my head🤔🤔

BOSS: So where Is she?

Bright: She's in the h0spital, 🤕when I sl@pped her she sl@pped me back so I had to use my h£ad as you instructed and she l0st her four fr0nt t££th😕😕😂😂😃