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•𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙖 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧.
•𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙, 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙞𝙩𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚—𝙨𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣, 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙞𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙.

“Try to enjoy s*x as a single person. Because marriage will humble you.”

Don’t try to fix the headline. That was exactly what was said to me.

If it was just anybody, I would have brushed it off. But this was someone old enough to be my father.

I remember stepping out that day and somehow the conversation came up. He asked me, “Are you married?” I replied, yes. Immediately he said, “Thank God for you.” I thought it was for a good reason. I thought it was one of those blessings you hear from elders.

But the next thing he said shocked me.

He said, “Let me give you an advice I would have given myself if I was not married. Try to enjoy s*x as a single person because marriage will humble you. You may end up with someone who is not attractive enough, someone who does not like kids, someone who is too busy. Life will frustrate you. You people may not even align, and you will start questioning everything.”

He said all of this with so much confidence. Calm. Intelligent. Well-spoken.

If you heard him, you would think he made sense.

In fact, this is someone many people would look up to. Someone society would call wise. Someone young people would sit under to receive guidance.

But that moment made me realize something very dangerous.

Not everyone who sounds wise… is wise.

Some people carry experiences, but their interpretation of those experiences is broken.

And if you are not careful, you will sit under them, listen to them, and slowly start absorbing mindsets that will destroy your future.

Because what kind of advice is that?

How do you tell someone young enough to be your daughter to go and “enjoy herself” because marriage might be hard?

Since when did fear become a foundation for decision-making?

Since when did possible disappointment become an excuse for reckless living?

That is not wisdom.

That is pain speaking.

That is regret looking for validation.

That is someone trying to justify their own experience by planting seeds in another person’s life.

Let me tell you the truth.

Marriage may not be perfect. Yes, it comes with responsibility. Yes, it requires sacrifice. Yes, it can humble you.

But that does not mean you should destroy your values before you get there.

Because the same choices you make now… are the same things you will carry into that marriage.

You don’t build a solid future by living carelessly in your present.

You don’t prepare for commitment by practicing inconsistency.

And you don’t heal from broken systems by creating broken patterns.

This is why you must be careful who you listen to.

Not every elder is a mentor.
Not every experienced person has the right perspective.
Not every advice deserves your attention.

Some of them will speak from frustration.
Some will speak from regret.
Some will speak from wounds they never healed from.

And if you are not grounded, you will take their words as truth.

So as a young lady, you need more than just listening ears.

You need discernment.

You need to be able to filter what you hear. To question what is said. To stand firm in your values even when someone “respected” says otherwise.

Because at the end of the day, it is your life.

And not every advice… is meant for your growth.

The hardest thing is consistency. Not intensity, not talent.
Just showing up again and again.

Keep going.

The work you’re putting in today is quietly shaping the life you’ll live tomorrow.

If people don't like you, it's ok.
You only need to be concerned if dogs don't like you. Then it's time for some self-reflection.