Wellness By Elin

I have a confession to make.

I haven’t had a real training session in weeks. Besides climbing, snowboarding, and the odd handstand session in between clients, I haven’t exercised much in the last three months.

To be honest, I don’t really know what my goals are anymore. Last year, I badly wanted to break my strength plateau, and I did. I hired a coach that got me crazy strong. I kicked ass at my first meet… and then I got my ass kicked at the second one.

I’ve been trying to figure out what happened. Why I performed so poorly and burnt out so fast.

The first meet was about more than physical strength. My motivation was overcoming obstacles. Pushing through fear and self doubt. Showing up for myself even during one of the most stressful phases of my life. Channeling my frustrations into my lifts. Realizing my potential.

My motivation for the second meet was… nothing really. I just wanted to beat my previous numbers. I ultimately failed at that goal.

Was it my “why” that was the problem? Did I not have enough drive? Did I not work as hard? Did I not want it bad enough?

Did I just psych myself out? Was it all in my head?

Or was it really the perfect storm? The wrong choice in footwear through most of my training. Decreased appetite and low weight. Busy work schedule. Financial stress. Travel stress. Larger crowd…

The truth is, it was probably all of it. Sometimes everything goes right. Sometimes everything goes wrong. Sometimes some things go right and some things go wrong. That’s life.

One lesson I’ve had to learn over and over in the past few years is to focus on what you can control.

Could I have locked out that last deadlift if I’d eaten more? Probably. Could I have beat (or at least matched) my squat PR if I had stuck with flat shoes? Maybe. Would I be able to squat 300 lbs by now if I hadn’t taken so much time off? Also maybe. None of that matters.

I’m not sure if powerlifting is a forever sport for me. But I love picking up heavy things, and I’m going to keep doing it for as long as I can. Even if I never hit another PR.

This month I’m focusing on balance. Between work and play, between training and rest, and in the literal upside down sense.