The Connection Corner

Nearby schools & colleges

Love Harriet Tubman

Using coaching and ta**ra, our programs help you unlock the blocks in your relationship and give you the tools to thrive focusing on vulnerability, connection, intimacy, touch, and depth.

06/29/2022

Your relationship doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.
In every moment, you can choose to focus on what's working about your relationship and what you love about your partner or what's not working and what annoys you. If you're a glass half-empty type of person prone to negative thinking, this will be a challenge for you and you'll need to commit to a conscious and daily practice of orienting toward the positive. But the first step is to shift your belief that perfection is possible and allow the fantasy of the fairy tale prince or princess to shatter.

It's not easy to allow the fantasy to shatter. Many people have unconsciously carried and embellished this fantasy since childhood, and we live in a culture that encourages the belief that perfection exists. So when you start to let it go, there's a grieving process that often needs to occur before you can accept a realistic model of healthy love.
If you have it in your head that somewhere out there a perfect relationship is possible, you won't be able to accept the imperfection of who is standing before you. What I hear all the time in my practice is some version of, "I don't like that my partner [isn't social enough / tells dumb jokes / doesn't have a rich inner world like I do / doesn't always "get" me / doesn't fit my ideal physical type]. He or she is wonderful in so many ways, but can't I find someone who has it all?"

And my response is, "When you find that person, call me and let me know."

Here's the paradox: When you let go of the cultural fantasy of perfection — and it is absolutely a grieving process as my course member shared above — you make room for the perfect imperfection of your good, loving relationship to blossom around you. For it's in loving what is human — in all of its irritating foibles, quirks and dumb jokes — that we soften our walls of fear and judgment designed to keep others at a safe distance and learn about what it really means to love.

29s

Your relationship doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. In every moment, you can choose to focus on what's working about your relationship and what you love about your partner or what's not working and what annoys you. If you're a glass half-empty type of person prone to negative thinking, this will be a challenge for you and you'll need to commit to a conscious and daily practice of orienting toward the positive. But the first step is to shift your belief that perfection is possible and allow the fantasy of the fairy tale prince or princess to shatter. It's not easy to allow the fantasy to shatter. Many people have unconsciously carried and embellished this fantasy since childhood, and we live in a culture that encourages the belief that perfection exists. So when you start to let it go, there's a grieving process that often needs to occur before you can accept a realistic model of healthy love. If you have it in your head that somewhere out there a perfect relationship is possible, you won't be able to accept the imperfection of who is standing before you. What I hear all the time in my practice is some version of, "I don't like that my partner [isn't social enough / tells dumb jokes / doesn't have a rich inner world like I do / doesn't always "get" me / doesn't fit my ideal physical type]. He or she is wonderful in so many ways, but can't I find someone who has it all?" And my response is, "When you find that person, call me and let me know." Here's the paradox: When you let go of the cultural fantasy of perfection — and it is absolutely a grieving process as my course member shared above — you make room for the perfect imperfection of your good, loving relationship to blossom around you. For it's in loving what is human — in all of its irritating foibles, quirks and dumb jokes — that we soften our walls of fear and judgment designed to keep others at a safe distance and learn about what it really means to love. #love #growth #relationships #fondness #happiness #datingcoach #datingtips #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationship #inyourcorner #theconnectioncorner #partner #perfection #perfect