Shayla Reneé

Who I Am vs. What I Do

There’s a scene in The Upshaws that really stayed with me.

In the final season, Bennie is talking to his daughter, Aaliyah. She’s frustrated because her mom, Regina, isn’t spending enough time with her. Regina is running for city council, and her focus has shifted toward the campaign.
In true Bennie fashion, he explains something that catches Aaliyah off guard:�Her mom is not only her mom.
And when Aaliyah insists that children should come first, Benny quickly responds, “No—I come before you,” speaking as Regina’s husband.
It may sound harsh at first—but it points to something deeper:
Regina is not just a mother.�She is a wife.�She is a woman.�She has purpose beyond the roles she fulfills.
And sometimes, her focus will shift.
That doesn’t make her any less of a mother.

This conversation resonated with me deeply because I recently spoke about this very thing at the Strength of a Woman Conference.
So many of us, as mothers, become so consumed with motherhood that it becomes our identity.
But motherhood is not our identity—it’s a role we fulfill.
Our identity is in Christ.
“So God created mankind in His own image…” — Genesis 1:27
Before you were a mother…�Before you were a wife…�Before you carried responsibilities…
You were created in His image.

One of many roles we carry.
“She considers a field and buys it… She is clothed with strength and dignity.” — Proverbs 31:16, 25
The Proverbs 31 woman was not one-dimensional.�She was nurturing, yes—but also wise, resourceful, and purposeful.
And yes, there are seasons where certain roles require more of us than others. That’s not failure—that’s life. That’s balance. That’s growth.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1

Let me be clear:�I am not talking about neglect. I would never condone neglect.
But I am asking:
How many of us neglect ourselves trying to be everything to everyone else?
“What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” — Mark 8:36
How often do we pour out so much that there’s nothing left within?
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Mark 12:31�(You can’t love well if you’re running on empty.)

That guilt is heavy.�And most of the time—it’s unnecessary.
Because God never called you to be everything to everyone.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9
It took me time to truly understand the difference between who I am and what I do.
But once I did—once I shifted my mindset—I began to experience less guilt, less shame, less fear, and less doubt in my everyday life.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32

And with that came something I didn’t even realize I was missing:
Freedom.
The kind of freedom that comes from no longer trying to prove your worth through performance.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free…” — Galatians 5:1
The kind of freedom that grows every day you actually practice what you preach.