Alcatraz Poetry

I’m tired

People smile at me, I smile back and though
I force a laugh at their dry and witless jokes,
Engage in empty chat and bu****it anecdotes
In my head, all I hear is feigned muffled noise
I can’t recognize the tone of my own voice
And through it all, my only clear thought is….

I’m tired
Of putting on the mask that people expect to see when they look at me
Tired of suppressing myself in order to be who they want me to be

I’m battle worn and weary
The scars deep and heavy
Each breath I take bears the weight of the sun
Endless thoughts fill my mind and it’s overrun
My soul hurts but you’d never know it
I break more each day but I’ll never show it

But I’m fine, I’m just tired

Of fighting this eternal internal war alone
Of having to traverse the darkness on my own
I’m tired of fighting for survival but barely surviving at all
I’m tired of climbing this mountain just to inevitably fall

I’m tired of the mundane monotony of each day blurring into the next
I’m tired of trying and failing over and over when I’ve already given it my best
I’m tired of feeling weak when I’m expected to be strong
I’m fu***ng tired of saying I’m fine because I can’t say what’s wrong

And so I carry on each day holding it all in
Smiling on the outside, screaming within

I’m just so tired

Tired of dying with each grain of sand that falls
Tired of being alive but not having really lived at all.