Kay Bela Coaching

One of the main struggles many of us have with ruminations is the more that we try to stop, get angry, or distract from them– the more they persist. So why can’t we just wish them away or distract from them? Why do they persist?

What are ruminations?

They are not just annoying thoughts. They often stem from echoes of our past– telling us we are unsafe and we NEED to be hypervigilant to find safety, a sense of control, personal value, connection to others, etc. Sometimes it can feel like our very lives depend on our attention to these hypervigilant thoughts. So to ignore or get angry at these thoughts, only makes the sense of danger intensify.

How do they work?

In our brains, we have the amygdala. This is commonly known as the control center for things like fight, flight, and freeze responses. When we have trauma around a certain topic or issue, our brain can get stuck in this fight, flight, or freeze mode. Any time something reminds us of a trauma, we are set off as if it happened yesterday.

This happens because the trauma has had difficulty processing and being stored in our long-term memory and gets stuck in the short-term memory, known as the limbic system. This means our body and mind feel like the traumatic event just happened in the moment when we were activated.

How can I help?
I provide customized resources and encourage clients to utilize EMDR to help reduce trauma/stress responses and help the brain move this memory to the long-term memory process so it doesn’t bother us like it did before. We’re able to have a more adaptive response that doesn’t derail our whole day– or longer.

Then, together we explore various avenues for coping skills and the habits and strategies that work best for you to learn what works. Throughout your journey, I provide accountability to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon!
Kay

After I began to heal through EMDR alongside my commitment to sobriety, I found a strong love for life. I felt more ready to share this love for life with a little one– however, as you could see in my previous pregnancy post, I still had my fears about being pregnant and bringing a child into this world, given my mental health history. I was so worried I’d end up in a dark place again.
Eventually, despite my fears, I took the leap and we got pregnant— surprisingly quick. I was ecstatic and felt my mindset shift instantly as I looked down at the pregnancy test and realized that all those fears and anxieties didn’t matter— I would figure it out.
A few mindset shifts came to mind like:
It wasn’t just me anymore.
I would be a kick-ass mom (not because I was perfect, but because I would do the best I could – and show my little one that it is okay to not be perfect)
I would teach him all the lessons I learned about mental health, resilience, loving life, and more.
I’d get help if I needed it.
I now had the tools and the skills to work through the anxiety, fears, depression, and trauma responses.
It didn’t mean I wouldn’t struggle, it meant I knew myself well enough to know I would figure it out. If I made it through everything else, I could make it through this next chapter.
With these new thought patterns coming up about my pregnancy and how it will affect my life, I became hopeful. Even when I saw the pregnancy test and realized those fears and anxieties didn’t matter, I knew I couldn’t just forget about them.
EMDR is safe to do during pregnancy and I continued with it– along with my own therapy, building a supportive pregnancy support network of a doula, caring midwives and doctors, supportive friends and families with experience, and educational classes on pregnancy to support a healthy, resilient, calm mind around parenthood.
More than anything, when we face new challenges and stages of life, it’s okay to be scared of walking into the unknown. Your greatest asset is pressing IN to that discomfort and using the skills at your fingertips.
While I will be out on maternity leave, I’d be happy to work with you on this when I return in the spring.
See you soon,
Kay