Angel Light Rose

I've talked about what qualities I admire in others. But what about myself? I admire that I'm caring less and less about perfection. I admire that I'm caring less and less about being popular for the wrong reasons. I admire that I'm caring less and less about what others think. I admire that a man can't buy my affection or love. I admire that I'm getting away from codependency and becoming more and more free. So much I could say here, but right now, more than anything, I'm just glad to be me.

Because of the innocence that children have, I think I admire them all. I admire them for their determination to receive the love they deserve whether they get it or not. I admire them for the creativity and playfulness they have, something I hope never dies for them. I admire them for some of their inner wisdom, the wisdom that far exceeds abusive adults. I admire them for daring to dream, dreaming beyond comprehension. Dreaming before getting to the "real world." A world full of abandoned dreams.

There's often a talk about consenting to s*x. But what about friendship? Personally I didn't understand when I was young that you can choose your friends. Often I didn't want to be rude, so I'd try to make it work. Sometimes though, that led me to trouble. It led me to someone who was manipulative, controlling, abusive. That's why I try to be as honest as possible. So I don't lose myself.

For my last post, if I had done that about a year or so ago, I would have overthougt it completely, trying to overapologize. But the truth is that I'm not sorry and shouldn't have to be. I'm not so sure I have done enough wrong in my life to truly be sorry about much of anything. But my initial response is to say I'm sorry, to understand people to the point where it hurts me. And while I'm still here to be understanding, to be a good person, I can only help so much. I need to stand up for myself and stop watering down my opinion. For those who want to criticize me for that, my only response left is this: my cup is empty, and I'm not filling yours.