AMPLE

In the past few months, several friends’ parents are experiencing the long good-bye’s of dementia.

Those who share their journey on social media, (I know doing that is with mixed feelings) reveal much about family dynamics, medical and alternative therapies, and the joy of simple moments like their loved ones laughing or a rare moment of connection to real time.

Mary McClare, my mom, passed October 25, 2016. As her daugther and then caregiver for the last two years of her life, I read each of my friend’s post with deep understanding, adoration, concern for their mental and emotional wellbeing…and for what their life will feel like after their loved one passes on.

The impact diminishes over time (speaking for myself, as people deal with loss in different ways). But the ripple effects of Mom’s journey, (well before she tripped, fell, had a stroke while unconscious that changed the trajectory of her life, and ours)..is felt every single day. From the flowers that bloom each year since she planted them decades ago, to photographs, her little handwritten notes I still find here and there…to the financial fall out and closure of my own business because her finances were grossly misappropriated by others…it’s been nearly 10 years since Mom passed…and every friend who is in the midst of caregiving brings up myriad emotions.

It is not a road for the weak. And yet while YOU are walking it, and others see you as incredibly strong, walking toward things that would make others cower, doing hands-on caregiving that would make others vomit, somehow you still feel weak/lost inside. For me, I came to understand that it truly was part of the ‘long good bye.’ Depsite your ability, willingness, and literally changing your life for your parent, you are NOT going to change the outcome. That may feel like weakness, like you are not making a difference, like no matter what you do, their journey keeps moving forward.

Until they have passed on….

And even then the journey keeps moving forward. Wondering how to redirect all your feelings of loss, anger, and the almost guilty feeling of peace and joy for your parent and your family to no longer be suffering. That your parent is free and going on their own journey.

As my dad said to me in a lucid dream after he too had died (1999), “Life is going. Go with the going.”

Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad. You’ve taught me more each day, even after you have left this world

Are you an IN-HOME CAREGIVER in the Rochester NY or surrounding counties?

Are you finding it difficult to cover small things that once were doable ~ school supplies, pet food, a coat for your parent or your child, cleaning supplies, gas for the car.

IN-HOME CAREGIVING is more than a 24/7/365 of Love, Care, Compassion and Provisions.

AMPLE is always ready to help a caregiver in need. If this is you, email me at [email protected] or message me here. I’ll reach out to discuss your needs and create a community wish list. Your identity will never be shared unless YOU wish it to be.

The first photo is me & Mom. She was so vibrant, active, working full time as administrative asst), 1983.

The other two photos of Mom in 2014 and 2015 when we lived together so I could care for her. She had fallen in 2012 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Her vibrant smile still ablaze…I miss her very much ❤️