Dirt Church
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04/05/2026
🚨 SOLD OUT… and mildly concerned for our safety 🚨 😂😂🤘🤘😎😎
Y’all… we showed up to the farmers market thinking we had “plenty.”
The farmers market mob said: that’s adorable.
Between you beautiful savages clearing the table like it was the last brisket on Earth, and our retail partners sliding in like, “hey… we’ll take ALL of that,” we are officially, aggressively, embarrassingly…
SOLD. OUT.
Good news:
We’re restocking ASAP.
Stay rowdy. Stay hungry. We love you. 🤘
Easter Market at the come get your Jerky on! We’ll be there with some new flavors! Don’t miss it! Tons of cool vendors and lots of stuff for the kids.
03/31/2026
Death Valley Super Bloom Vibes…
03/14/2026
‼️🚨 New Flavor Alert! 🚨 ‼️
Coming soon!
Maple Communion
Old-Fashioned Maple Bacon Jerky
This is the good stuff. The old-school stuff. The kind of flavor that would make a lumberjack cancel church… then come back for seconds.
Real maple sweetness meets thick cut bacon jerky in a combination so righteous it probably should be served in a pew.
Smoky.
Sweet.
A little bit holy.
Maple Communion — take and eat. All of it.
03/14/2026
🚨‼️New Flavor Alert!! ‼️🚨
Fruit of The Damned
Mango Habanero Brisket Beef Jerky
Some fruit was never meant to be eaten.
Sweet, golden mango pulls you in like temptation in the garden you were specifically told to stay out of. Then the habanero shows up with hellfire and reminds you why it was forbidden in the first place.
It starts tropical.
It ends biblical.
Sweet.
Savage.
Slightly sinful.
Dirt Church Fruit of The Damned — salvation was never going to be an option.
03/04/2026
Just another day in Paradise…
🔥 This Saturday at the Farmers Market 🔥
We’re rolling into Washington Farmers Market with Dirt Church Brisket Beef Jerky — slow-smoked, boldly seasoned, and unapologetically delicious.
Come grab a sample, meet the folks behind the smoke, and stock up on protein that actually tastes like real food. No gimmicks. No nonsense. Just damn good jerky and good humans.
📍 Washington Farmers Market
🕙 Saturday | 10–2
🐄 Smoked. Salty. Sacred.
Come get a little feral with us.
Come and get your Beef Jerky fix on tomorrow homies!
01/01/2026
Here’s to 2026!
A clean page, full tank & no excuses…
Here’s the Dirt Church prayer for the New Year:
Less noise.
Less fear.
Less time wasted on wars, politics, and holy dick-measuring contests.
More dirt under fingernails.
More eye contact.
More shared trails, campfires, and real conversations that don’t need a comment section.
Turn off the TV.
Put the phone down.
Go outside!
Meet real people where they actually are, not where algorithms shove them.
Encourage creation.
Choose beauty.
Be kind always.
Be human without apology.
2026 doesn’t need saving.
It needs participation!
Get outside.
Connect deeper.
Build something better together.
Amen & Onward.
~ Dirt Church
12/25/2025
🎄 Merry Dirtmas 🎄
May your holidays involve frostbite, bad ideas, and a suspicious lack of cell service.
May your boots be muddy, your cooler questionable, and your return time intentionally unclear.
We do not gather.
We scatter.
Disappear into the woods.
Reemerge feral and spiritually refreshed.
Amen~
TrailGoblinEnergy GoBeGone
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Columbus, OH
84790
