Ronin Ministries

Stop Pretending!

Boys,

I have a lot of friends or children of friends who are facing serious struggles with mental health. Some are going to psychological hospitals. Some men are spending entire nights drinking a bottle of whiskey and downing it with painkillers.

You may ask what does this have to do with you. It's a valid question. I grew up in a culture where you don't cry or get emotional. Grandpa and my uncles didn't do it, or at least not that I ever saw. As you know, I battled with mental health when I was younger. I also spend weeks in a hospital because I struggle with it. Honestly, that made me put up more enormous walls, except those around your grandma and grandpa.

Please don't grow up to be like me. For far too many years, I said, "I'm good" or "I'm fine" when I clearly wasn't. We put up a good front, but deep down, we are stressed about work or a business deal gone wrong. Maybe it's physical health, psychological issues, family matters, or any number of things that are out of control.

You boys are all young and full of life, but one day, someone will need to know your struggles to see hope. One day, you will have kids of your own, and since Bug is around, at minimum, you will be uncles.

Some of you have kids of your own now. Do you want to know the most challenging part of being a parent? It's when your kid comes home and has to deal with bullies. Or they come home slamming doors, upset or angry, but you don't know why.

Let me ask you this: If you need to model healthy outlets, who will show them? As men, we put too much pressure on ourselves to be strong, confident, and blond. If we, as men, aren't willing to show it, how do you expect them to know how to?

By now, you have heard me discuss how I call a few guys every day just to see how they are doing. At first, it was awkward, but eventually, most warm up to the idea—but only if we present it correctly. Let me explain.

Me: Hey man, I just wanted to see how you are doing.

Them: Good, and you?

Now, right there is a decision. Do you say "Good" and the conversation? Or do we say, "It's been a rough week? Explain your struggles for the week. This isn't a sympathy or victimhood Olympics. But you were just being honest enough to discuss our struggles. They will only open up after you do.

Now, here is the part I want to talk to you about. I have had to sit through therapy sessions for some of you boys. To be honest, those were the hardest things I ever had to do. They were also my weakest. You probably thought my weakest would be if I blew up or cried.

For people like me, eventually, we get to a point where we just shut off the emotional "switch." We don't talk about or want to discuss it; we just want those feelings to go away. So when you see people like me who should be emotional but instead have an emotionless expression and no longer make eye contact, you know we flipped the switch.

Let me leave you with a couple of thoughts. We live in a world with relationships, expectations, struggles, and sometimes disappointments. It happens to us all; there is no need to hide from it or run from it any longer. Trust me, every man or teen I have met has had those feelings. So, I promise you are not the only ones in this world with them.

Next, if you don't process those struggles, they will consume you. Surround yourself with Godly men who will encourage you in your times of need. The Lord can redeem it all, but he needs us to process what is going on before he will use us.

Final thought: you all know I am about generational changes, struggles, blessings, and curses. I would encourage each of you to be strong men of God. Strong enough that you can be open enough to inspire others, letting them know they are not alone. This isn't a perfect world, so why are we trying to pretend it is? The world needs more Godly men of strength. That doesn't mean being Capt. Emotionless or the TED talk motivational speech. It's about humble men and women who say, "Here is my story; use it for whatever you will, Lord." The Lord didn't have you go down the path you have for it to be wasted and hidden. Behind the wall, you have built up.

With Love,
Jonathan

New blog is up at Roninministries.com!

It's a letter about doing some self-reflection, as we step out into the world as the Lord has called us to do.

Biblical Manhood #1

Boys,

I was asked today by a young man I am helping mentor, "What does Godly Biblical Manhood look like to you?" That's a pretty loaded question and is far deeper of a question than I can answer in one letter. So I will write a series of letters that help dive into this topic in depth. I figure if it is a question this young man would ask then maybe you can benefit from it someday as well.

I intentionally try to not always be hammering you with the Bible verses. I think a lot of the Lords wisdom can be given without quoting scripture. That knowledge is timeless and crosses many peoples daily life, but for this series I am going back to basics and bring scripture to each letter again. If you're going to be a biblical man you must back it up with scriptures.

If its biblical manhood you seek then you will first need to seek the Lord. It is my understanding that we all have a general revelation put up on hearts, but not all truly seek Him. If you want to become a Godly man you must follow on those urges to seek him. You can't be a Godly man without God.

Jeremiah 29:13
"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

I have found over the years that to those who truly have an open heart and truly seek the Lord he will present himself to them. Where some have trouble is they claim to seek, but they want to find God on their terms. It's not with an open heart. God will only reveal himself to those who seek with open hearts and a longing to be with him.

You may be wondering what the difference is? The difference is our posture we take in our search. We can either search for the Lord as he is or search for a Lord who fits how we want him to be. One leads to the Lord of lords. The other will lead to false gods or a manipulated version of the lord who fits with out wants.

I would challenge you to think on these questions before you start down your walk of faith with Biblical Manhood.

Are you seeking the Lord with an open heart?

Are you seeking God for who He is or who you are?

Are you willing to lay it all down before Him?

Are you willing to change to fit who God is?

I am not an alter call guy. I find them to give a false since of security, but since this will be beginning of a series that will build upon itself I would ask you to say one prayer as you lay down to sleep tonight. its not a prayer of repentance as many would have you pray. I would ask you simply pray for understanding.

Lord,

I am lost and searching for guidance. Please make yourself known to me. Help guide my path I have lost my way. Show me who you are and who I am to become. Amen!

Make that prayer your own. Us your own words and don't complicate it. Just simply present yourself before the Lord as one who is seeking his way.

There are many things of the Lord I don't understand, but what I do know is he is a faithful God. For those who seek He will make Himself known. Will your world change overnight? For some it does for others it's a journey. If your path is short or long means little to me. What you need to know is that he will guide you?

I won't lie and I don't want to set you up with false expectations. The path can be bumpy, there are hurdles we all face along the way. Temptations will come and temptations go. You will face challenges just know that no matter how big the storm the Lord can calm the waters.

I will leave one last word of encouragement. There are no challenges you must face alone. While the Lord will be with you, he will put Godly men in your life to help you along your way. My final word for the day is know that the Lord is faithful, as long as you search with an open heart he will guide you.

With Love,
Dad

Real Men Are First SERVANTS

Boys,

I was at a job site today. It was a homeless shelter, its not ane area I did well in. Personally I would rather work in a prison than a shelter. Mainly because the shelter spaces are harder for me emotionally. Seeing so many there struggling is hard for me to see. At first I had trouble seeing the children, but then I see parents of those kids. There was a hopelessness in some of there faces I am not sure I will be able to shake.

But I did find some bright spots a lady bowing her head in appreciation for another kindness. The kids bouncing a ball around with a smile that lit up the room. But there was one bright spot I want to share with you today. There was one man there who I don't know if he worked there or if he was staying there, but his attitude naturally had others drawn to him. He was engaging everyone. it seemed like every time I turned the corner I could see him off in the distance. helping someone.

As we got closer to him and was finally able to speak to him I said "it's great what you are doing for these people." His simple reply was "Its what we do." There was no arrogance in his tone. It was simply a statement of fact and I had no reason to not believe him. you could see those people he interacted with smile a little more and have more energy. There was one particular moment that stuck out. He was casually walking down the hallway and he saw a mess on the floor. upon seeing it he went to go get cleaning supplies. When he returned one of the men who had previously been laying on a mattress in the hallway stood up and told the other man he would get it. He grabbed the supplies and went to clean up the mess and then told him to check on another family,

I was reminded of a topic we discussed in Wesley Group last night. That topic was Leadership. I find that most natural Leaders don't even know they are leaders because they don't see it in themselves. We go to a large church so when people think of church leaders they think of those leading hundreds or thousands.

But a church our size would never be as healthy as it is without the leaders of the smaller groups. It's the "micro leaders" that make up the church. They feed off each others and make each other better. it's the micro leaders that plug in the gaps between strengths and weaknesses. One line really stuck out to me from Sunday service "Spiritual Leaders are never alone. They build teams." Which is a very good thing because I had to lead worship we would singing "This little light of mine!" and "Father Abraham" on repeat for the next the next twenty years if I had to do that memory.

Ok back on topic. Here is what I found watching that gentleman as their shelter. It's that "real" men are created to be servants at our core. Think about it every trait that gives us purpose with a servants nature. Let look at the characteristics that make up a man, protect, provide, educate, lifting others up. All of which at its core is initiated by a servants heart.

Servants are leaders without even knowing it. People gravitate to them. Their servant heart makes them perfect as leaders. It's easy to follow a selfless leader. People often think of those with a servants heart to be followers, but I strongly disagree. Servants by nature are doers. Servant leaders initiate action. They don't simply stand idly by when there are things to be done.

I have been through dozens of leadership training and there is always comes up. Don't ask others to do what you have shown unwillingness to do. I won't lie there have been times I have done out of self guilt. I would see a buddy doing something that needed done. I would be sitting there with no willingness or desire to do the would, but I would find myself mumbling under my breath "You son of a gun" as I got up from my chair to complete a task. Why would I do it? It's will because of equal parts internal shame for being lazy and not letting someone I respect to do it win their own.

I will leave you with this real men are servants of God. They then live a life with a servants heart. Ignore of the drama lately about gender roles and toxic masculinity. are called to be servants of the Lord, then leads to a servants heart we are to carry ourselves with.

Look at the true leaders you admire in our lives they will to a man have a servants heart. I am not talking about position or rank, but the man themselves. There is difference between a rank or position and a leader. Look at the political landscape I respect the office of President, but I think the President himself is a clown. Let's contrast that to the man at the shelter. I would be far more willing to sit down and have a dinner with him than I would the President.

One day you boys may grow into being leaders either organically or by promotions. I would just caution you to not forget who we are and what we stand for.

With Love,
Dad