Redeeming Church Conflicts

ped to do this in three primary ways: 1) Expand on the topics included in our book; 2) Link to worthwhile articles and resources to help you in your journey of redeeming conflicts; and 3) As appropriate and as time allowed, address questions and topics that you submit to us. What does “as appropriate” mean? Specifically, three things:

While we do invite your questions related to church conflict, we will not attempt on this blog to “counsel” or advise specific people regarding specific conflicted church situations. This means that we invite your contact and questions, but even if we reply, it is only in a generic way. We are not acting as formal mediators for you. Also, we will not usually, publicly, post your comments and our responses to any specific questions. We realize that this is different from most blogs/FB pages, but we also realize (from experience!) that in order for us to serve conflicted churches well, we would need to have far more information than one person’s perspective and we would need to have far more time than either of our schedules currently allow. The bottom-line is that it would be foolish and unloving for us to attempt to intervene in a conflicted church via blog or FaceBook comment exchange and thus, we will not do so. We will, however, carefully read all comments and questions submitted to us and, as we deem best, we will write general posts concerning the various topics.

** — UPDATE AS OF 2019 — **

Please note: although we dearly hope that the resources we have created will encourage and help all readers to redeem their conflicts, especially church conflicts, Dave is officially retired from serving as a Christian mediator, although he is still an active member of church’s peacemaking team. And Tara is focusing more of her time on writing, teaching peacemaking at the college level, and serving her family and local community. Therefore, while she still accepts the occasional speaking request or Christian conciliation case, she declines most invitations to serve. (You can read more about Tara’s speaking and mediation services at “www dot tarabarthel dot com”.) We sincerely hope that the content on our RedeemingChurchConflicts blog and this public FaceBook page provide helpful and encouraging articles. But we do not anticipate keeping them up to date. Tara’s public FaceBook page (@tarabarthel) does provide regular posts on redeeming conflict, surviving a childhood of neglect and abuse (and related ACES-informed Christian mediation), conflicts involving trauma (including sexual assault), addiction, and other mental health challenges. And these are the topics for which she is most likely to accept speaking invitations and mediation cases. And blessings to you—

SDG
- Dave & Tara

*****

Dave Edling is an experienced Christian conciliator who has worked with many conflicted churches. During his decade of service on the senior staff of Peacemaker Ministries, he participated in over 200 mediation and arbitration cases and worked with nearly twenty thousand Christians engaged in conflicts affecting churches of almost every denomination. Dave holds several graduate degrees in addition to his Bachelor of Science degree from Oregon State University. They are: Master of Arts in Human Behavior, United States International University (now Alliant International University); Juris Doctor, California Western School of Law; Master of Arts in Religion, Westminster Seminary California; and Master of Arts in Biblical Conflict Resolution, Birmingham Theological Seminary. Dave has served as a trustee on the Board of Directors for Covenant College and Westminster Seminary California and has taught in the Doctor of Ministry programs for Reformed Theological Seminary, Mid-Western Baptist Theological Seminary, and Westminster Theological Seminary. In addition, Dave has been a lecturer in practical theology for several other Christian colleges and seminaries. Dave has been married for over forty years to his wife Pat and they have two adult children and six grandchildren. They live near Colorado Springs, Colorado, and Dave continues to minister in the private practice of Christian conciliation by writing and serving through his church’s reconciliation ministry.

*****

Tara Klena Barthel earned her law degree and M.B.A. from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, and her B.A. in psychology from Augustana College (Illinois). Currently teaching peacemaking at the college level, Tara delights serving her family as a homemaker, her community as a Rhetoric teacher, and she still occasionally accepts speaking invitations and mediation cases. To learn more about Tara, please visit her website at: www.tarabarthel.com or follow her on FaceBook (@tarabarthel).

*****

A more personal greeting from Tara ...

Hello! It is a pleasure to meet you and tell you a little bit about my journey ...

In 1999, I moved from Chicago, Illinois (a city of 3+ million) to Billings, Montana (a state with only 900,000 people—livestock outnumbered humans by 12 to 1!), to serve as the first female senior staff member of The Institute for Christian Conciliation, during its tenure under Ken Sande. At the time, I described myself as a “recovering lawyer” because I had left behind my practice in high net-worth (charitable) estate planning in order to oversee all Christian mediation-arbitration cases, conflicted church-organizational interventions, and the certification and ongoing compliance of all members of the international network of Christian ADR specialists. In 2003, I signed my first book contract (“Peacemaking Women”), gave birth to our first child, and officially began to think of myself as a homemaker—even though my best friend says that anyone who flies 75,000+ miles a year can’t really be a stay-at-home homemaker. (I continued to fly regularly in order to serve at leadership conferences, retreats, and to lead mediation and arbitration cases.) Our second child died in utero in 2007. I was actually filming my first video series (“Living the Gospel in Relationships”) during that pregnancy–getting violently sick between each take, but counting it all joy because we were thrilled to be having another child, having suffered through 8+ years of infertility prior to the birth of our first daughter. Only two years later, our youngest child was born and one of my women’s retreats was simultaneously translated into ASL and videotaped on a tripod–so our family now has an ASL-translated video series (“Becoming Who You Already Are”) that we offer for free to any person or ministry who would benefit from it. In the more recent past, I experienced one of my greatest joys in life–coauthoring “Redeeming Church Conflicts” with my friend, Dave Edling. I also experienced one the hardest things in my entire life–I was sexually assaulted in an airport returning home from serving at a women’s leadership conference. This happened three years before the #MeToo campaign, so my criminal and civil matters related to it were resolved before this topic began to be in the daily fare of current media. But even though my formal case was resolved, the physical and spiritual impacts of that assault required me to seek out biblical counseling and trauma counseling–and that process required me to face the many sexual assaults and other “adverse experiences” of my childhood. (I encourage you to read the “ACES Study” if you, too, or someone you love, has had difficulties in childhood. Much wisdom to be gained there! I’m a 9/10 ACES.) Sadly, the sexual assault in 2014 was followed quickly by even more suffering—all related to broken relationships among professing Christians whom our family had loved and trusted as friends. It was the hardest season of life our family has ever endured. God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and really does bind up our wounds (Psalm 147:3). Today I am 25+ years the happy wife of Fred and the mother of two daughters—one in elementary and one in high school. I am a sexual assault survivor and a CPTSD—Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder— survivor, and I keep working on my own growth in grace in these areas (and many more!). I still accept a few speaking invitations each year, and a few mediation cases, but most I decline due to my teaching schedule at the college level, my treasuring our last few years with both of our daughters at home, and my delight in helping the young people in my life to take seriously philosophy of theology, epistemology, apologetics, and worldview. (Teenagers are natural philosophers!) Plus, of course, I am honored every single time one of them talks and prays with me about a living and vibrant relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. Other joys in my life include my slow progression through Reformed Theological Seminary’s excellent courses, our family’s efforts to send girls to school in Kibisi, Uganda, and the regular jamming out at the piano as our family sings musicals galore. Thanks so much for allowing me to introduce myself to you! If you ever need to reach me re: a speaking event, writing request, or Christian mediation case, the best way to contact me is through my website (tarabarthel.com) or my public page (@tarabarthel). In Christ our Hope—
Tara Barthel