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Love. ❤️ Now that I publicly died to my savior complex (yesterday’s post) I’m going to share something a little less vulnerable today. Something I wrote years ago.
February 2019-“I’m hesitant to post this (or even to write it down) because I know how utterly dramatic this is going to sound. Here we go...Ive spent the last 30 minutes crying on the phone in the airport, telling my mom how torn up I am about a boy I just met. I never knew this kind of love existed. With A I held my self protective walls up high (which didn’t work if you were wondering) but with my sweet B boy I didn’t stand a chance. Before I even laid eyes on him sitting in my living room praying at 2 am I knew I was already falling madly and deeply in love with a tiny human I had never met. As I walked out to the truck in the foggy rain and looked through the back window to see him there sleeping I knew my heart was in for a major change.

I’m traveling for a week and I’ve cried 6 times. Mostly because our future is so unknown. I’ve cried because I know the pain I’ll face when he’s moved. I’ve cried because I know that I didn’t guard my heart well enough. I’ve cried because I’m crying and I feel ridiculous. I’ve cried to my mom and said, “I don’t know why I chose to do this.” When she simply responded, “it’s not a choice it’s a calling.” My heart quickly realigned to see Kingdom vision outside of myself and my heartbreak.

If you don’t want to foster because you’ll “get too attached”- I don’t blame you. It sucks to cry over a kid that’s not yours, over a kid whose future isn’t necessarily determined by you, it sucks to love with your everything and know that at any moment that person could be gone. Sweet friend, if you have the capacity to love that hard then we need you here loving with your everything and melting in to thousands of pieces along the way.”