MotherLift

The Evolution of Friendship- 1-2 Min Read

As with all our relationships, our friendships are continually changing. Sometimes friendships don’t make it past a certain phase of life. THAT IS OK. I think we all have this assumption that our friendships are covenant commitments like marriage, but, that’s simply not the case… It’s ok if they drift apart.
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I had a friendship that faded away after a few years. When I saw her again a couple months later, I felt so guilty. She was gracious and said, “You were a good friend to me during that season of my life. I’m thankful for that relationship.”
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I’ve also had friendships that ended poorly and it can be so painful.
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You may hear a song, or eat a sandwich that transports you to a time where you felt close to that person, connected for that period of time. It can be painful to grieve, but it can be even more painful to continue tethering yourself to a season or person that is doesn’t fit anymore.
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For those friendships that you want to prioritize, remember to be intentional about staying connected. It can be very grounding to maintain friendships as your life changes, even if theirs doesn’t go at the same pace. Same life stage doesn’t equate to the depth of friendship you’ll have.
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For all others, let go knowing that your time was meaningful, and full of purpose. If it ended poorly, take time to seek closure for yourself. If it was amicable, look with fondness for the ways it helped you both grow.
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Pt. II “Friendship Breakups” coming soon!

Emotional Success - Choosing Friends Wisely - 1-2 Min Read

Yesterday my husband sent me a quote, “Success is having the ability to say No.” In business, there is no greater success than having enough work to be able to say “no” to the clients and people you don’t want to work with. It is a privilege gained to be able to draw boundaries. However, it’s much easier said than done. While drawing this line in my own business, I’m weighing my need to please others, my greed for more money, AND how much time I want to spend with my kids.

In my search for finding that perfect “successful” life combo, I thought it might be interesting to apply that quote to our emotional world. In a successful emotional world we wouldn’t have natural limits, like a pandemic and social distancing, and we would have an abundance of support waiting for us.

In that space of success, what type of people would you allow into your life? Which ones would you want to “work” with? Do they inspire you, support you, understand your natural rhythms? I realize this might sound navel gazing, as we should always strive to provide good friendship just as much as we receive it, but it’s okay to be intentional about what, er who you want in your life.

A way to see which friends you enjoy being around is to draw a pie chart. Who is in your life, and how much energy do they take up? Shade red for bad energy, and green for good, posi-friends. If you’re noticing someone draining energy from you, write them outside the circle for a little while. It’s okay to ask for a break from friends if they aren’t giving back as much emotional support as you’re putting in (or just slowly back away, you don’t have to make it official). It could be the emotional space you need to allow someone new in who can lift you up and be your person/peoples.

One person can't meet all your needs. "Success" can transcend careers, go into your relationships, and help you prioritize your needs. Coming out of a pandemic, you get to be especially choosy in who you want around you. Now’s the time to regraph your energy in friendships.

Did your pie chart change after observation or stay the same?

Dating Your Kids - Meg Schlabs - 3/4 Minute Read

Last year I got an email saying my kids had the option of going back to in-person school, even though we were still in covid times. It took us all of 3 seconds to decide that this was the right choice for our family. By mid-October I was showing up for my first full week at work, in my office, alone. Hallelujah, freeeeedom! I even did a little jig. However, months later, I noticed myself looking at the clock every day at 3pm wishing I was the one picking them up from school instead of our nanny.

Covid has made us all question lots of things - and I guess for me, it helped me clarify the boundaries of my work & life. How many hours did I want to be a designer, and how many did I want to be plain ole mommy?

It was pretty clear that I missed my kids, but when there are three of them, it’s hard to feel like we’re really connecting. I use the “group like items” method when I’m around them. All of you, go play. All of you, stop it. All of you, eat these vitamins. Sometimes these feelings of missing my kids come and go, but I observed this one lingering until finally I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I needed a change and my goal was focused time with them - not group activities!

Now on Wednesdays from 3-5pm I have a date rotation with each kid. One trip to Barnes & Nobles for zombie books. One trip to Sephora for lipstick. Dating your kids, it turns out, is really fun. I found myself come alive when I got to bring them into my adult world. I was chatting to my 10 year old about the last good book I read and I told him the entire plot. (His response - does someone always die in your books?) When we have multiple kids at home, sometimes the only way to get this connection is to break up the party.

Even tho these lil humans are tiny, they have the same needs that we do. We all need moments in our life where we can say anything to someone … and they respond with empathy and love. To feel a connection with another person is one of the most basic needs humans have. And dating your kids will strengthen your connection with them and give them a sense of value.

How are you connecting with your kids?

Love,
Meg