Jay Thomas

Many of us want a relationship but do not understand what going into a relationship is all about.

What it is-not about, is-you.

It's not about what you can get.
It's not about what the other person needs to do for you.
It's not about what the other has that can benefit you.

When you're truly ready for a relationship, you are willing to put aside selfish ambitions.

A new relationship is about what [you] have to offer the new person. How can [you] enhance their life? Make it better than it is.

Whether that be through, education, finance, love, support, spirituality, faith, encouragement, business, or stability. It is essential that we stop going into relationships for the wrong reasons.

[With today's Twitter brains and attention spans, I'm hoping you don't skim this post.] It's a 3-minute read at most.

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I am going to share a thought I had recently.

When I was a kid, I and the other neighborhood kids would run the blocks during this time of year, doing whatever. We would be hitting up the local swimming pool and cooking our ebony skin 2 degrees more dusky as we bathed in the gaseous envelope of the sun.

Or, it perhaps it was the redundant trips to the local park to hoop, race, crack jokes, or borrow candy from the corner store.

Whatever we decided to do, we had fun and it didn't require the so-called, "luxuries of life." Those things we did were the essentials of my life. The things that truly made me happy—and honestly the moments I remember most.

Although this may be true, we often look at children as lesser beings. Meaning, lesser in experience and understanding.

However, there are major lessons to be taken from children.

One of those lessons is simplicity and minimalism.

It is important to realize, life has never been about the bells and whistles, but we've been socialized to devote our time and energy to the pursuit of things (not building long-lasting relationships)

That said, since our purchasing power went up, we started accumulating "things" such as houses, money, trips, cars, handbags, expensive watches, trips to Neiman, or Bacchanalia.

Or, we focused the vast majority of our time on career pursuits.

We lost our grasp of the things that truly matter... the things of substance—our relationships with people... our family, our friends, and anyone else we truly love.

Covid-19 has taken away so much from our routine of bells and whistles Now many of us are forced to look in the mirror at how shallow we really are. Furthermore, we find ourselves struggling to find happiness in the things we accumulated over the years while being consistently delinquent in our ability to fertilize and take care of our relationships.

Many of us have our own house, finances straight, and every(thing) we could want that's superficial—but... the relationships we should have been cultivating are left wanting. We feel alone now. Alone with our things—searching for a when we could've had a real bae by now but we were always too busy, distracted, and focused on other things.

↩️Back to the earlier story.

When I was young I loved the friendships I had. My grandma and I didn't have much. I was always the kid that was over another kid's house because my house wasn't the hot spot for gathering. Again, I didn't have much but some Transformers and G.I. Joe action figures.

Or, at least I thought I didn't have much.

What I did have were friendships. Relationships that have stood the test of time (and those people know who they are). They've been around since I had hair. They remember how much I was into music, played the piano, and would walk around the city/town with my headphones on. They know about my proclivity to crack jokes on just about everyone (and I was good at it too...) and my propensity to always be in a good mood. They know I was a sensitive kid and I did not like confrontation. In other words, they've seen me at my best, and my worst—and as you can tell by my writing, I talked a lot (especially in class).

I'm saying all this because I want to convey an urgent message to you. (Like Darius Lovehall said..."Urgent like a M**f...")

🔍Focus on the relationships you have with people. Not your career, not your money, not your things...
.. Those "things" are secondary.

When came down like a ton of bricks on many of us, who do you think was there when we lost our jobs? Who was there to loan us money, send food to us, Check on us, love on us when the things (our jobs) abandoned us for its own self-preservation.

All that energy we devoted... and all that time spent (away from the people that matter), while we were discarded like so much trash. Refuse to a company or business that treated us like expendable—replaceable assets.

When it all came down... it was those relationships we have cultivated that stood the test of this pandemic. Not our careers, not our homes, cars, clothes, or investments. Even if you managed to keep your job, you shouldn't be removed or oblivious to the current state of things.

Those people we neglected and put off because we wanted to "get money" are still there for us even after all of the indifference.

That said, I'm not saying to overlook your career or not purchase the things you like. I'm saying, the priority you have placed on said things should be much lower, and the relationships you have with people... should be #1 (if you're spiritual/religious person, #2).

Take this time to call the people you care about. Someone(s) you haven't spoken to in months or years. Mend things with your spouse, or significant other. Spend more time with your kids. Facetime with your family because tomorrow is not promised to any of us even though we act like it is.

I personally can live with job loss and loss of money. In fact, I have dealt with it. At one point I lost everything I owned. But the one constant in my life has always been the relationships I have with people...
..Substantial relationships.

Finally, devote more time to refocusing your energy on the things that matter in this life instead of putting them off like you have an extra second, minute, day, or month to get back to them.

Do it now.