Under My Scars

It’s been awhile since I posted. As you all know I work at a school in a cafeteria and I deal with kids on a daily basis. I see attitudes, sadness, happiness, jealousy, heartbreak …I see it all as a server. No child deserves to die at school or feel scared that they are not safe. What a cruel world we live in that some sick in the head mF plans an attack on a school to do harm to young innocent children. Even though he was shot and killed I hope he burns in hell for what he has done. It’s like Sandy Hook all over again
So sad

You can be going about your business as busy as ever and the darkness creeps up and wraps it's ugly presence around you like where do you think your going...your mine forever and this cage I keep you in will forever be your home.

Walls...we all have them but the question is How High. Mine are high and thick to protect the soul. I didn't intend to build them so high but this world we live in is cold and as the years go by it gets colder and colder. Why I have no idea...maybe it's greed, envy. Some see the energy you channel and the smile you radiate and instead of embracing it they want to break it, knock you down like how dare you be happy, be miserable. Well NO I won't. Take your negative energy and negative bu****it people and just stay away from my walls because your not going to hurt this soul... my soul anymore. So be jealous when you see me dancing and smiling and enjoying life because it's taken a long moment to get here..to be comfortable in my skin, to appreciate what I have and what I bring to a table. I bring alot.
I sit here and reflect on past chapters in my life and try to understand just what the lessons were. Why was I drawn to the same type of individuals who tried to break my spirit. Why do I sometimes still seek reasons and want answers I will never get.
Breathe.....let it go....it doesn't matter. Evict the evil squatters takin up space in your head. Easily said then done but I do take it day by day and I have been pampering this soul the best I can because I am worth it.

Just a reminder that this page is just random thoughts in my brain so sometimes s**t is dark. I'm only human and depression is real and sometimes gets the best of me and out weighs my keeping it positive. I don't believe in taking ones life but on certain days I may seem to go towards more dark thoughts. I don't like when people play with my emotions. I love deep and I believe in trust and respect and I gotta remember there are very few like me out there. This page is a place where I release energy good or bad and it's something I can look back on. It's not suppose to make sense to anyone..not even me sometimes

It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize just where you stand in a persons life. Sometimes the wolf has always been there but just disguised in sheep’s clothing waiting for the chance to leap.
Walls are not built out of boredom or insecurity. They are built to keep one alive…to keep going

Ok it’s May 19, 2021
Let’s do a numb post called shutting the brain off...don’t wanna think about no more s**t. How does one shut their brain off...it’s not easy when you get stuck in your own head. I hate being in my own head. I’d rather much play therapist and go into others heads than mine. Mine is a dark dark place. I was told I haven’t a soul lol. Well maybe at one time I did have a soul before all you mother fu***rs had to mess with it. Ever think of that. This world is full of mean people. Instead of helping one another I see people kicking ones when they are down instead of reaching out and pulling them back onto their feet. Does it make you feel bigger to do this...superior perhaps...well in my eyes your an as***le
I often wonder what people feel before they pull that trigger and shut their brain off for good or step off the platform with that rope around their neck.
Is it that hard to be kind to one another?? The majority of this world is made up of selfish as***les that have nothing to do but ruin others peoples lives or end them in that matter. Can’t you be kind???