Ang Bigat ng Mga Salitang Hindi Sinabi

02.16.2026

I disappear a lot of times. Not because it's a defense mechanism I developed over time, it's just who I am. It's what I am. I don’t have avoidance issues or anything. It just feels like everything becomes normal once I’m used to it, and once my interest or curiosity wears off, that’s where my comfort lies.

I don’t really settle on one thing. It can even be connected to ADHD, but I don’t have that. The closest thing I have might be hyperfixation. Then there’s the laziness in my bones that doesn’t really let me do things. I know it’s on me. Being a better version of myself should start with myself, improving and being motivated.

The thing is, I don’t think that really applies to me that much. A day or two, I’m fixated, focused, motivated. Then another day comes and I disappear again. I don’t really get in touch a lot. I’m a very energetic person, yes, but messages? Getting in touch or staying? That’s not really me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like the people around me. I’m happy I got the chance to even talk to them. But then that’s just me, disappearing, and only appearing whenever I want.

I don’t hope for myself to change. I just want other people to understand that not all people are like them. Because that’s just me. That’s who I am.

02/15/2026

All people have their own story that is yet to be told.

Let’s look at it this way: when we are in our own point of view, we are the main character. The whole viewpoint of the world revolves around us, and other people become the side characters needed for our story to progress.

The thing is, the same goes for those people we consider side characters. They need us for their story to progress too. But here’s the catch —like authors whose ideas flow but who can’t really control the remarks of those who read their piece, we’re just like that.

It’s in the hands of our actions, beliefs, and flow what kind of genre, ending, and tags our story will have.

Journal ( #) by Azethyl

Sa dinami-rami ng puwedeng maramdaman habang naghihintay ako ng mga grado—kung pasado ba o sasablay—wala akong maramdaman. Blangko. Tahimik. Parang kahit anong resulta, pareho lang ang dulo.

Hindi ko alam. Pero isa lang naman ang pupuntahan.
Hindi ko na ata itutuloy ang kursong ito.
Pumasa man o bumagsak, parang sasablay pa rin ako.

Hindi na kaya ng utak. At mas lalong hindi na kaya ng bulsa.

Ang hirap ipilit ‘yung bagay na natutunan mo nang mahalin.
‘Yung kursong unti-unti mong niyakap, tinanggap, at ginustong tapusin—
na kahit sobrang hirap, pinipilit mo pa rin, kasi may hangarin kang dala.
May dahilan. May alab.

Pero ngayon… hindi ko na alam.
Pumasa man ako, baka hindi ko na rin kayanin ipagpatuloy.
Bumagsak man ako, mas lalo na.

Balik na naman ba ako sa simula?
Maghahanap na naman ng panibagong daan?
O ipagpapatuloy kahit hilaw at laging nangangapa?

Ang hirap.
Ang hirap naman talaga…
maging mahirap.

At kung sakaling hindi ko man agad maabot ang tuktok,
ipapaalala ko sa sarili kong minsan,
may batang naniwalang kaya niyang lumipad.

Muntik nang mabaon sa limot ang batang may matayog na pangarap, bago pa man siya kainin ng sistemang walang puwang sa pagdududa, bago pa man tabunan ng makakapal na pader ang liwanag na minsan ay nasa kanyang mga mata.

Dear Diary, Hello Again
by Azethyl

Nasa bahay ako ngayon. Umuwi ako after ng NSTP kasi balak ko talagang this week sa bahay mag-spend ng weekend. Miss ko na rin sila mama at papa—lalo na 'yung luto ni mama. Alam naman, kapag nagdodorm ka, bihira nalang makakain ng masasabi mong “real” na ulam. Eme lang HAHAHA.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, bagong ayos ni mama 'yung kwarto ko. Ang ganda ng arrangement ng mga gamit ko, tapos ayun, biglang naglitawan ‘yung mga luma kong notebooks na halos nakalimutan ko na sa cabinet. Memories unlocked talaga.

Tapos ayun, may nakita akong notebook na gamit ko pa noong Grade 7 or 8 ata. Expression notebook siya—halo-halo: lectures, random thoughts, emotions, kung anu-ano. Medyo sabog ‘yung laman pero gets, it felt very me noon.

Nabasa ko ‘yung mga “Dear Diary” entries ko. Tawa ako ng tawa, minsan napapailing, minsan napapaisip din. May part pa na ina-admire ko daw ‘yung isang tao tapos narealize ko rin na hindi naman pala ganun ka-deep. Parang like lang, not love. Tapos sinabi ko rin dun na I actually enjoy being on my own. Na gusto ko lang ‘yung kilig, pero hindi ko talaga gusto pumasok sa relationship.

Na-amaze ako. Ang aga ko pala nagkaroon ng ganung realization. Siguro dahil sa stress at adulting ngayon, nakalimutan ko na rin ‘yung part na ‘yun ng sarili ko.

Sigh. I wanna go back to that version of me—super raw, super in the moment, walang pressure. Just writing for fun, no second thoughts, no edits. Just me.

Kaya ko sinusulat ‘to now, kasi writing has always been my safe space. It’s my outlet. Wala naman akong super makwentuhan about these thoughts eh. Well, meron naman, but iba pa rin when I write. Parang mas nape-peace-of-mind ako.

So yeah…
Dear diary, hello again.
Missed this version of me. 🤍