Buzz-Aid Therapy

I once had a conversation with a man who explained why he didn’t want to marry his fiancée. He described her as "lazy" and insisted he could never build a future with a lazy woman.

I asked what exactly made him think she was lazy, especially because I knew the lady in question and that description didn't quite align with what I knew of her.

He explained that whenever she visited him on weekends, she wouldn't wake up until past 8 a.m. to start cleaning the house.

I had to be sure I heard him correctly, so I asked again, was waking up after 8 a.m. really the basis for calling her lazy?

His response shocked me.

He said a hardworking woman should wake up much earlier to clean. Then he added that his mother wakes up by 5 a.m., and according to a relationship influencer he follows online, any woman who wakes up later than 6 a.m. is lazy.

At that point, I couldn't say much. I simply told him he might as well marry the influencer, or better still, get a nanny, and leave someone's daughter in peace.

Dear you,
If you build your life on comparison, opinions, and borrowed standards, you will almost certainly lose your way.

Not every woman is your mother.
Not every home runs on the same system.
Not every "rule" on social media is wisdom.

What works for one person can become emotional oppression for another.

Marriage is not a copy-and-paste arrangement. It is not a performance based on timelines, wake-up hours, or who starts chores first. It is a partnership built on understanding, compatibility, communication, and shared values.

If your expectation of a spouse is shaped more by what you've seen or what someone tweeted than by meaningful conversations with your partner, then you are not preparing for marriage, you are preparing for control and disappointment.

A person who wakes up at 8 a.m. is not automatically lazy; neither is a person who wakes up at 5 a.m. automatically hardworking.

Character is deeper than routines.

Before you label someone, ask:

What is their lifestyle like? For instance, the lady in question works Mondays to Fridays on the island and most likely considers Saturday a restful day, only for her to be labeled lazy just because an influencer said so.

What agreements have we both made?

Are my expectations realistic or inherited?

More importantly: Do you want a partner or a replica of someone else?

Know yourself enough to define what truly matters to you.
Communicate clearly.
Allow room for individuality.

And please, stop outsourcing your thinking to strangers on the internet.

Because at the end of the day, you will not marry a tweet. You will marry a human being, with rhythms, differences, and a life that deserves respect.

You know I love you❤

Busola Abiodun Adeagbo
Your Winsome Marriage and Family Therapist