Bola

I absolutely hated school. I thought I was cursed to be here. This is one of the many instances that made feel abandoned in school.

I discovered that my deepest fear was being abandoned.

There are series of incidents where I experienced this feeling a child. Maybe felt it once and then it kept showing up again.

Most my friends loved school and thrived in it. Not me. I felt a huge disconnection with them since I was a child. And we take a lot of this to adulthood.

Connection as I learnt, is one of the most important aspects of being mentally healthy. It's literally is the opposite of depression.

Show up
Ask
Be there
Make yourself heard, and visible.

By just being there you can impact your environment around you.

I learnt this deep insight about me recently. I either shrunk myself to a point where i won't be seen or heard, or many just blow up to a point that in unbearable.

Safety is a foundational feeling. It is required to move to other levels of maturity. Be at at work, home, or social life. When one is left feeling unsafe for a long time the other layers become a struggle and one starts to feel stuck.

Sometimes you live around the same people who made you feel unsafe as a child or even in similar environments. It's also because it's something we are familiar with.

It left me lonely unheard and disconnected with people. It went on forever! The worst, I suppressed that anger and learnt to smile no matter what so that I am not attacked. And this was for me killed my growth.

I did two things, I tried to see if I was actually unsafe, and what did I need to do to be safe. These two things gave me a lot of answers.

What do you do in a situation like this?

Would you like us to do a live video on managing deep pain from the past?

This is a tough time for all survivors. Some who are stuck with people who trigger them or someone stuck with triggering memories in this lone time.

Again, you are not alone. Please reach out to your friends and helpline, if you like.

Also, we are going to ask you to do us a huge favour. Please please please think of a vision that you'd like to have - can be a job, travel, relationship, or anything.

Can you please create some very vivid visions of these. You may share with us if you like.

Please let this for your mind for when this chaos is over.