Autability

And if you gain that trust and it’s get broken, that is even worse….

The fear of advocating for your child.

This is something I’ve been thinking about because I’m currently planning a series of webinars for parents and carers. As I’ve been putting them together, I’ve realised something that makes me uneasy.

A lot of the advice I share is reasonable. It’s grounded. It should, in theory, give parents the knowledge and confidence to challenge when something isn’t right.

But knowledge and confidence aren’t the whole story.

Advocating for your child also requires something else. It requires trust. Trust that the system will listen, trust that you won’t be labelled and frust that speaking up won’t make things worse.

And that’s where it often falls apart.

The system shouldn’t be a one-way street of ‘we do this, then you do that.’

It should be a process.

We try something.
You try something.
We come back together.
We reflect.
We adjust.
We keep going.

That’s what support is supposed to look like.

But for many families, it doesn’t feel like that at all.

Instead, there’s a quiet unease.

Parents tell me they feel like they’re being watched. Judged. Measured.

Like they are somehow part of the problem.

If only they were stricter.
If only they were more consistent.
If only they got their child into school on time.
If only they followed through with homework.
If only they were just… better.

And underlying all of that is this unspoken belief that a diagnosis, once written on a piece of paper, should fix things. That it should come with a clear plan, a clear path, a clear outcome.

But that’s not how real life works.

Children don’t change overnight because a report says they should.
Families don’t suddenly have more capacity because someone expects it.

So parents sit in this impossible space.

Knowing something isn’t right.
Knowing their child is struggling.
But feeling unsure whether they are ‘allowed’ to say it.

That’s the bit we don’t talk about enough.

Advocating isn’t just about knowing what to say.
It’s about feeling safe enough to say it.

And right now, too many families don’t feel safe.

That’s not a parenting problem.
That’s a system problem.

Emma
The Autistic SENCo
♾️

Photo: Me