Have a Word with Yourself

One for the ladies!

Today I was reminded how the past can quickly trigger the mind without realising it and hijack our feelings to go down a path of memory lane - all from a thought. Thankfully, I caught it, accepted it and used it as inspiration for today's post!

So here's an uncomfortable truth bomb - as much as we like to believe that us ladies are a sisterhood of support, reciprocal kindness and love for each other, it's sadly not the case. Separation and lack of awareness has caused women to reject, compete, fear and attack other women they deem as a threat to their happiness. This has been catalysed by narratives across social media, film and TV over the years causing a deep wound that affects how many women relate to other women. Normalising dysfunctional dynamics between women has become so widespread that many people don't even question their motives anymore and jump straight on the hater bus.

When women connect together with a higher level of conscious awareness there is no envy, no competition, no back chat, defamation or need to suppress any part of themselves or others to fully connect with them. This open transparency creates a powerful bond that empowers and uplifts everyone equally and reciprocally. Women that are aligned with their deepest truth carry an energy that can be felt beyond their words and the ability to see through the surface level experiences that they encounter. Aligned women carry a creative power that can change worlds not through brute force or domination but through balance and support.

The more self-aware we become, the more we look for connection not reasons to separate. We look for similarities in others not the differences and we offer our support openly for everyone's best interests. This isn't motivated by ego but the genuine desire to help others to elevate their own life experiences. Those that are ready to raise their awareness, feel drawn towards experiences that support them in doing so and those that are not will resist it.

Women supporting women is fundamental to rebalancing the world we live in right now. If we want to live with the equality that would positively impact all of our lives, we have to start with ourselves and address the grievances within us that we're carrying towards other women (unknowingly and knowingly).

When we accept that there are parts of ourselves that hold these beliefs, thoughts and feelings that separate us from other women, we can start to release them and the resistance it creates in our connection to one another.

Today I was picking up some groceries and I saw a woman dressed in lycra hot pants and bra top in the store. Whilst I was trying to remember the things I was shopping for, I noticed how her appearance made me feel uneasy and I let myself go with it for a little while. At first I was experiencing insecurity at seeing her perfectly shaped body and then I noticed how I started making judgements about how she was dressed, not because there was anything wrong with her fitness outfit but because I'm not confident enough to wear something like that - or fill it out quite like she did! Seeing her triggered an insecurity from my past memories of when I was insecure about my outer appearance. When I caught it and accepted it for what it was, a past insecurity, the feeling quickly dissolved and I carried on shopping peacefully. At the check-out the women was stood next to me and I noticed how instead of feeling uneasy in her presence, I felt calm and neutral towards her and actually started to admire her confidence. Why should she shrink to hide her beauty? she shouldn't and she didn't and I'm grateful for what it showed me about myself in that moment. Instead of letting an insecurity from my past run the show in that present moment, I was willing to acknowledge and accept it and as a result, I experienced her in a completely different way.

This got me thinking, how often as women we let our own insecurities ruin our connections with others and we don't even realise we're doing it. We let our minds create ideas, beliefs and experiences based on thoughts that are littered with our own past memories and experiences, clouding the truth and creating separation.

When we start to take responsibility for the hidden parts of ourselves that cause these thoughts and judgements to arise, we take a step closer to raising our conscious awareness which impacts our lives and the lives of all those around us.

As Marianne Williamson said so beautifully;
¨It is the light not the darkness that most frightens us¨

The power of women uniting is what frightens this world the most. Ancient civilisations that honoured women as their equals were the most prolific and celebrated because they ruled alongside men, not dominate or suppress them but to build in balance with them. Kings sat beside their Queens at the same level, neither one asserting dominance over the other, just equal support to build together in balance. Ever since this balance was lost to domination and suppression, women have been trying to restore it throughout history.

What we've forgotten to acknowledge is that the battle to reestablish this balance is not just with men, but also with other women and ourselves. We've been suppressed, devalued, objectified and put in competition with each other for what..... just to separate us from each other and turn us against each other in the process. If we want to end this cycle of separation and reunify with all women to restore the balance that this world is in such desperate need of, we need to start back at point zero with ourselves.

We can start by acknowledging our own grievances towards women in all the many ways that this shows up and accept that these grievances are not who we are and do not define us as women. We can show ourselves forgiveness for carrying these wounds unknowingly and knowingly and we can release them knowing that that it will benefit ourselves and all others in doing so. Sometimes we carry beliefs we don't even realise we have and these rarely shape our lives for the better!

I was willing to question my thoughts and feelings today because I know myself and I enjoy feeling connected to people so when feelings arose that were not aligned with who I am, it snagged me. Instead of projecting those feelings on to the other woman, I took accountability for it and it dissolved it which is something we can all do if we're willing to acknowledge that our thoughts and feelings are echos from the past, not facts of the present moment.

If this interests you and you'd like to be supported with this type of inner work to address issues relating to jealousy, envy, insecurity, competitiveness and any other behaviours that cause you to feel separation to other women in your life, please get in touch here or by email at [email protected] and I'd be happy to share what I've leaned on my journey so far.

© Have a Word With Yourself 2026